Eight years ago, when I was pregnant with my second child, I became a stay at home mom. Oh how I’d prayed, begged and pleaded for this dream to become a reality. I had to work until my first born was 4 years old. When I was lucky enough to stay at home with my second baby, I loved every minute of it, well that’s how I choose to remember it. I know that there were hard days, but I look back at it now with rose colored glasses on.The highlight of most weeks was taking my little man grocery shopping, or out to run errands. I loved pushing my little cutie around in the buggy. I would notice the smiles from strangers, and that knowing look in their eyes that said, ‘I’ve been there before.’ Then, as he got older, I enjoyed his pre-school years. I loved going to the class parties, and school programs. He was proud that I was there for him, and I felt needed.
Before I knew it pre-school was over, and my baby was headed off to all day kindergarten. This change hit me like a ton of bricks, and I thought that I would die. After dropping him off on the first day of school, I came home, and stood in my kitchen and I cried big, heavy tears. Yes, I had myself one big pity party.Lucky for me I had signed up to volunteer in the classroom, and the teacher let me come every other week to help out, and I got to be the room Mom. I also volunteered with my daughter's activities, and it kept me just busy enough to feel like a had a purpose. Being a mother had become my identity. I'd spent all those years taking care of my kids, changing diapers, nursing them when they were sick, playing with them, laughing with them..... you get the picture.
Kindergarten was fun, but it flew by way too fast. Then first grade rolled around, and this time the teacher didn't want any help in her classroom. I didn't know what to do with myself. I would go grocery shopping alone, and see all of the young moms pushing around those buggies full of babies. I couldn't believe it, that phase of my life was over. I wasn't prepared for it, even though I should have seen it coming. Depression set in, and I started to sleep all the time. I was miserable and lonely. The depression went on for a few months. I hit rock bottom. In the darkness, I turned to God. I started talking to Him regularly, asking Him to show me what to do with my life. I thought, well, assumed that He'd want me to go back to work, but I was wrong.
Have you ever had an idea that floats through your head, but you just can't grab a hold to it? That's what happened to me. I had this idea that kept zooming through my head, but I couldn't make sense of it. One day God dropped the idea of going back to college right into my head. I could almost feel that light bulb turn on. I know this sounds crazy, but I also I know that this came from Him because I'd never have enough courage to do it on my own. He has to let me hit rock bottom before I'm willing to change. I'm so stubborn, and I hate change. God told me to become a dental hygienist, and I knew that it was the right thing to do. I spent 10 years as a medical assistant working in the fields of optometry and ophthalmology. I've been a Mama for 12 years, and from the life experience I've gained from those two jobs, I feel like I'll be able to handle working in the field of dental hygiene.
It was like I could feel God's hand on my back, gently nudging me forward. Jesus whispered in my ear, "I'm here with you, don't give up." It took me over a month to get registered, but it all came together in time, and started my first classes in Spring 2013. I can still feel God's hand on me, and hear Jesus talk to me, encouraging me to keep moving forward. Even though it's hard sometimes, and I want to give up I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other, down the path that He has laid out for me.
Linking up here: The Foley Family Unedited